We have finally made it. I am writing this early (on Thursday) because by the time Sunday rolls around, Baby L will be here. Unlike his brothers, Baby L did not want to come out early which is fine and kind of reflective of his personality thus far. He has been my little companion just content going along for the ride and not causing too much trouble. It will be interesting to see how his real personality unfolds in the coming days and weeks.
Scheduling his arrival has been a weird experience for me filled with a lot of internal conflict. While I do not want him to arrive on Christmas eve or Christmas morning and take that away from the boys, I also don’t like the idea that I am playing God and picking when he will join us. I’ve really struggled with this because I don’t want to tell him that I went into labor with him because I decided that the 22nd worked for my schedule. It make me feel so selfish.
As much as I can, I think I have come to terms with his induction, especially after how crappy I have been feeling. It’s been a week filled with timing contractions only for them to completely stop, utter discomfort, maybe my water broke but no I actually just peed a little, and sleepless nights getting up to pee every 40 minutes (which I do realize the sleep wont improve with his arrival, but at least I will sleep more comfortably when I do get to sleep). I have been completely crabby to my family and I am just ready to start this new chapter.
Now that I know he is coming in a few days I am filled with fear. I don’t think I am alone with this struggle of not wanting to be pregnant anymore but also not wanting to go through the experience of child-birth. Child-birth scares the crap out of me. I usually have at least one breakdown in the hospital where I refuse to acknowledge that he will come out and decide I would rather go home. I mean full on breakdown with tears. Once I get past this, I am fine but it is consuming me as I get closer to Saturday.
The next time I post, Baby L will be here (and finally) have a “real” name. (Side note, those close to me likely already know his first name as I’ve mentioned it several times over the years when discussing the possibility of a third child.)
Wish us well these next few days….we will need it, and Happy Holidays from this soon to be family of five.